I just don't know why this show matters to me a lot . Well i guess it also helps me motivated to move on . . . .

naahh.. people actually think im crazy .. but the truth is i'm just trying to get myself back on feet. Just today our boss told me that my resignation will be granted .. (no questions asked) . I actually don't know if this is a blessing. This year was really hard for me and finally 5 more days and i'm done. Although i'm still not sure if i'm done with the agony that i feel each day. I dont know maybe im just not counting my blessings or maybe im just too blinded by what i really want.

What do I really want .. i don't know.. well for starters i want to quit smoking . I want to earn money and continue my studies help my family and let my little sister take medicine course. . and of course travel. That's all i ever wanted but I just can't get it. Well I guess you cannot really get what you really want. So whats in it for me then. Is this all it??

I feel like quitting everyday.. each day..Anyway I actually failed one subject last sem and I'm so scared to fail again. I miss my cousins. I kinda hate my friends. I so much hate myself and I'm not sure if i'm gonna be able to carry on .. Well i guess.. i really cant anymore.

I'm looking forward to what would happen to me next year.. I guess i dont know whats the reason.. why am i still here.
School for me is okay however I just blew up my repu...by giving into i-dont-know-happened-all-i-can-remember-is-that-i-got-wasted-and-laughed-my-ass-off.
Lord If something better would ever come my way. Please let my acts not impede the blessings i need. Just Let it be.. allow me shine.. please

By the way I'm so glad i have rebecca and noemi .. kahit papano naaliw naman ako sa kanila .. Thanl you Lord!

naahh.. people actually think im crazy .. but the truth is i'm just trying to get myself back on feet. Just today our boss told me that my resignation will be granted .. (no questions asked) . I actually don't know if this is a blessing. This year was really hard for me and finally 5 more days and i'm done. Although i'm still not sure if i'm done with the agony that i feel each day. I dont know maybe im just not counting my blessings or maybe im just too blinded by what i really want.

What do I really want .. i don't know.. well for starters i want to quit smoking . I want to earn money and continue my studies help my family and let my little sister take medicine course. . and of course travel. That's all i ever wanted but I just can't get it. Well I guess you cannot really get what you really want. So whats in it for me then. Is this all it??

I feel like quitting everyday.. each day..Anyway I actually failed one subject last sem and I'm so scared to fail again. I miss my cousins. I kinda hate my friends. I so much hate myself and I'm not sure if i'm gonna be able to carry on .. Well i guess.. i really cant anymore.

I'm looking forward to what would happen to me next year.. I guess i dont know whats the reason.. why am i still here.
School for me is okay however I just blew up my repu...by giving into i-dont-know-happened-all-i-can-remember-is-that-i-got-wasted-and-laughed-my-ass-off.
Lord If something better would ever come my way. Please let my acts not impede the blessings i need. Just Let it be.. allow me shine.. please

By the way I'm so glad i have rebecca and noemi .. kahit papano naaliw naman ako sa kanila .. Thank you Lord!

I passed criminology. . . i just found out about the result of my crim subject today. I know that i would still need to take more steps before i reach my goal but this is really something to look forward to.. oh i still miss one thing though.. that is earning like more than 20k a month.. i'm actually financially drained right now and next monday is our enrollment.. now i'm quite not sure if i'd be able to enroll next sem.. i guess not..

oh about work i actually sent them an email saying that im about to quit.. well that's how frank i am nowadays

oh i really feel so busy nowadays i need to do lot of things like my laundry, my fone that should have been blocked a month ago, my amnesty process(screw citibank), my office table needs to be fixed, my study guides that i need to send, the money i need to loan for my enrolment. I can do this! I mean i always do things on my own. next story!>>

Anyway i have 2 more subjects to go ... cross your finger for me.. i hope i would be able to pass those 2 subjects.. although tyou know what i think *wink* i think that i might not pass consti~ i think its so impossible for me to pass it coz the truth is .. i was really not sure about my answers during the exam.. o God forbid.. i need to pass all my subjects this sem.. or else.. im doomed .. but anyway i thank Him so much for helping me with my crim subject..

Thank You so Much!

ThiNgs have been tough foR me this year. Im so sorry if i havent had enough time to update mY BLog.Remember they usually say you shouLd count yoUR bleSsings always... i don't know but i tend to count all my oppressions. SchooL pisses me off sometimes though sometimes i feeL that all the topics or things we talk abt reaLLy motivates me more to pursue what i want. When i started working in pampanga at some other point i thought that i wont be able to get out of there anymore. I hated my roommate that time and i hate coming in to work (remember i even countdown the days). The first month of my stay here from pampanga was really okay. I mean i havent had any problems with money. I have enough time to review and go out with my friends. Then came half of juLy everything started to fall. You can call it "disaster". Up until now im still striving, waiting and hoping that i would feel better --at least. Oh my cellphone was stolen last saturday. So its like im paying my credit card for something that i'm not using . Anyway next week is exam week damn i have to study hard coz i really need to catch up with a lot of things. Oh how i wish im back to scratch. see yah!

Lord when would this EnD!???

Oh by the way i bought the book but i never gave it to him... and haha remember the pMayeer guy?? i just viewed his friendster today and found out that he already has a Girlfriend im so happy for him.. hehe NOT!... why do i always feel this way well maybe God has a reason for me to feel pity for myself .. hey i dont like him but at some other point he became a part of my life .. my motivator when i was about to give up my studies.. i think i better go now i need to review and see what i can do more abt myself .. my life .. and here i am again ALONE

im back!! yes im finally back here in baguio. Studying, the actual reason why i left pampanga is because i need to pursue my studies and work on my dream which is become a lawyer.. that's not catching the attention of my parents... I'm BUM yep i am professionally one and i for one dont's kow how i would be able to pay my tuition fee this coming august. Oh how i wish this willbe where my luck is.. please Lord help me

TEQUILA AND SALT
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
This should probably be taped to your
bathroom mirror where one could read
it everyday. You may not realize it,
but it's 100% true.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
1. There are at least two people in
this world that you would die for.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
2. At least 15 people in this world
love you in some way.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
3. The only reason anyone would ever
hate you is because they want to be
just like you.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
4. A smile from you can bring
happiness to anyone, even if they
don't like you.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about
you before they go to sleep.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
6. You mean the world to someone.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
7. You are special and unique.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
8. Someone that you don't even know
exists loves you.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
9. When you make the biggest mistake
ever, something good comes from it.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
10. When you think the world has
turned its back on you take another
look.
> > > > > > > > > >

finally! i was actually able to go back to Baguio. I was there last monday during eclections. Tuesday i met up with JeFF alacarte as usual i was hangin out with my friends that time and he asked if he could just join us. i liked him at first but now i dont like him anymore and i'll make sure i'll get over this feeling for just 1 week or probably 2 weeks. Honestly, i dont want to see him anymore.But this time im gonna make sure i hand him a book that became very inspirational to me. Usually i buy things for my crushes however i actually dont give them since eventually i tend not to like them anymore. But this time i'll be doing it differently. I dont miss Baguio anymore. I can go back to Baguio just on june 2 without nagging, bragging and whinning about feeling home sick. I can!!. . . My Housemates actually made me think twice . . and right now im still thinking about going back to Baguio to study or NOT!. well not just because i hate someone there but because i thought of my credit card balance that i have to pay. I also have a lot of plans that i would like to accomplish this year. Now if ever i put my mind into my work right now im pretty much sure i would be able to get what i wanted no later than DEcember. However i wont be able to continue my studies. I really hope God would give me a sign that would really make my decision final. I dont want to decide on something again instantly. Oh how i wish i would meet a new friend here that would help me think about the best steps that i should take. As of now Baguio still weighs more so for now i'll stick to my decision which is going back to baguio on June15. however i dont want to see him, hmmm maybe its really about the way i could handle things and with all the experiences and struggles i've been through im hoping that those would help me decide and handle things in a mature way. What i really miss about Baguio is my MOm she's my motivator the one that always scolds at me at the end i realize that hey after all shes right. She was the one who molded me as well to become who i am right now. . . . ahehe! a LOSER!.. kidding..i just found out that mishi my friend from Clientlogic resigned.. Up until now im still surprised about the news that i get from my co-employees from Rose actually.hahah! and you know what i think?!, i think most of them resigned the moment i resigned. . . chain reaction..

i really dont know where i am to go.. i dont like him but half of me is saying that this time i should do something about what i feel for him...
However my decision still STANDS! . . . . I SHALL NoT yield.. and im sure after 2 weeks im gonna get over this

PS
I wont text him anymore until i give the book that i asked Flor to buy in MANILA
Ciao!

day5 -forgotten
day 6

omigosh i'm really starting to love my job. I'm not sure of quitting my job. Well that's because i like the people here and i love what i do. There maybe sleepless nights but i can stil carry on..since im used to this schedule,given the fact that i've been working as a callcenter employee for almost 3 years.

Im actually tring to get to know my roommate but its seems like im not gonna be succesfull with that anymore i barely have a month. I want to befriend her but i don't think its gonna work out since she's the one who always starts to act cranky. Sometimes i even feel that maybe i'm just trying to push myself just to be more close to her. Imagine we even have the same sign (leo) but we dont't get along. Sometimes we do, most of the time we dont. I really want to go back to Baguio. No matter what happens i'm gonna make sure i'll be in baguio at the end of this week

ciao again!

Grabe na lang hindi ko na update ito kahapon .. enyweis yesterday was okay .. parang my days are starting to run smooth and fine.. hai kakamiss talaga Baguio. My boss just told me today that hext week would be phone certification and the thing is we might not be able to go back to Baguio to Vote.. kaiNis nga eh and we were actually planning to go to Asin with my family.. treat ko raw.. hayy i havent slept at all today coz we just moved to a different apartment.. the apartment was not the kind of apartment i actually expected when it comes to how it was prepared for us to .. the floorings not even scrubbed the CR ~ not even clean. The lights?? more than busted?! i mean NADA..

4days countdown hmmm o how i wish i would be able to go back to baguio on may 14.. i really miss my family, Dana, uhmm my friends , SFC, ahehe including *** well i dont know.... I'm sure he doesnt miss me so why bother aight!

Okay i gotta go .. by the way..i'll be stretching my budget again till next pay day.. imagine we actually gave money for the cushion when in fact we wont stay there for long .. just for a month lang .... .but that's okay

I really enjoy Jehan and May's company .. i'm sure gonna miss them once i go back to Baguio to study.. '

ciao!
see yah tomorrow

** wink** weve been texting each other for almost 1 day.. its like i was with him for a day.. pathetic ko talaga! its just that i havent felt this way before eh ata!! teehee! (",)

2nd day! i'm starting to like my job here.. yeah you can say that again .. as you know im a dynamically fickle minded person!!!so redundant right.. hmmm i can't believe im saying this but theres actually 2 reasons why i want to stay here.

1. I don't wanna fall in love
2. I dont want to fall in love

Teehee! i may sound funny but im starting to like him. geez.. anyway maybe this was just the same feeling i had before i hope i could get over this!.. please Lord not now.. i still have a lot of pLans and having someone to think of is not a part of my agenda yet. I survived 8 years and i believe i can hang in there even forever.

But I cant believe i actually like him!
I really hope he feels the same way

coz if he doesn't feel the same way.. then that would be super okay on my part .. at least i know what my next step would be.. which is to go back to Baguio! and Study!
Coz right now i'm actually thinking of staying here and get over this feeling..

I miss Baguio!

she said she wont make it look the way it was with what happened last october and she did. I'm not sure whether it was just a coincidence but the plot was so smooth that we actually fell for it. I thought that maybe its just because my friend just wants his girlfriend to stop nagging and thinking that we are *churvas* but were not. It was my friend who said earlier to take it easy as advised by the previous person person. i'm feeling sleepy! hell yeah i guess not only do i miss baguio, my family and friend but eventually another role was created that i hope i'd see again after 2 weeks.

CountdowN StaRts NoW!

Kung ika’y magiging akin
Di ka na muling luluha pa
Pangakong di ka lolokohin
Ng puso kong nagmamahal

Kung ako ay papalarin
Na ako’y iyong mahal na rin
Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin
Magpakailanman

[chorus]
Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo pang iyong damdamin
Hayaan nalang tumibok ang puso mo
Para sa akin

Kung ako ay mamalasin
At mayron ka nang ibang mahal
Ngunit patuloy ang aking pagibig
Magpakailanman

[repeat chorus]

Kung ako ay papalarin
Na ako’y iyong mahal na rin
Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin
Magpakailanman

[repeat chorus 2x]

Para sa akin


****GeeZ must he be the One.. this too shall past.. as always!

i really hate this month not only has it been stressfuLL at the same time this month gave me the true definition of miserable.

Believe it or not i actually thought that being miserable is losing someone you really love~ eventually i was wrong .. it was this month that i felt like a loser, i felt all alone, lost, thirsty, hungry (this is so true) and abandoned.

I actually texted my mom the other day and asked her if its okay for them to have me back once again (what was i Thinking) of course i know they would definitely say yes!!.. maybe because i was just seeking for attention that time and yeah.. it did work.

Since i havent received my atm card yet and since we dont have our salary released yet . I asked my mom to pay for my bills, my credit card!...i'm sure you guys know the story behind my card. It's mah life.. without it .. i'm probably doomed again. i'm still here in the center and i just finished my audits

i'm not planning to stay here for long coz i'll be studying nxt semester. i reallyhave a bad feeling about this textmate my friend gave me.

Grabe parang ayaw ko nang bumalik ng baguio kasi ala naman akong pasalubong .. ala pa kasing sweldo eh huhu!
well anyway God forbid! sana maka adjust na ko

just last week minulto ako eh !

bakit ba ang hilig kong mag eeneter enter

bye for now!

tagal naman kasi ni bing mag monitor eh gusto ko na bumalik ng Baguio1

I just met with cris her in DAU. damn do i miss Baguio I'm here in Dau right now inside a computer shop, imagine there are small rooms here for "longKatus"(prostitutes) that loves chatting with americans i think what they do inside the room is they show their body parts... ewwww.. anyways.. i dont like it here in Pampanga well i can say for a fact that Baguio is still the best place there is. Monday will be our Final Assessment then on Tuesday i will be having my phone certification. I'm not sure if i'm gonna get certified see heres the thing. The Quality Department head underestimates my capabilities. I hate this feeling. I use to feel this back when i was working at Clientlogic with GDC account. I feel that I have to prove something again. I feel like I'm being pushed to show my best. Everytime this happens i do show my best but i tend to give up once i know i have a fallback and thats my Family ... hmmm Baguio. I was able to refer 4 persons in our center and i'm looking forward to staying with them in the same apartment. But hey i wont stay here for long my heart is not here my passion is for Baguio , is for Law school . How come i can't have it , how come i can't get it. I kno it's monet that i need money,but i cant keep on stretching myself beyond my limits. I used to say before that i'm not a person who can live on my own i have to share a room with my sister , sleep beside my sister stay with my family and keep tract of everything that's going on in our Barkada.

The Picture you see hereb is a pic of my College fRiends . I use to be that Bad Girl before. Well i know everyone had their dark side of life. This people taught me how to have fun everyday without thinking of tomorrow. Yep! that used to be me. I'm not saying that i used to be a cranky beoch who doesnt care about anyone , but what im trying to say here is i learned from these people. They molded me and made me who i am right now.. based from their experiences though.. and since those were their experiences its like i count myself as part of it. I still wonder why some people would say "uyy alam mo ba ang bait niyan ngayon grbe di yan ganyan dati".. its like they always tend to remember the bad side of the person and the thing is the before side still weighs more. they say life can be learned through mistakes but i just cant get it.. why cant they see how u grown to be. i mean its not that yer gonna stay that way forever no matter how bad a person can be no matter how laid back or broke they ass believe me they still imagine how they wanted they life to be. It's just they dont know how to start making it the want it. A lot of factors and a lot of things bug their minds. Good for me i had my friends my family, YFC and God that really inspired to live life the way i want it.

Now i can say well i gOt what i wanted but not quite how i planned it. Anyway you know i'm not just that fickle minded gurL, oozy as they say( just help me spell it right, im in a hurry!)... ill tell you more about mah lyf next blog.. damn i cant believe im opening this part.. well maybe because i feel down :( as always!!

oh by the way last thursday.. june said the wOrds and i cant believe he said those words cause i dont't like him yet.. andim not ready for any commitment.. hmm maybe 2 years from now! nasan na kasi si olongapo boy ahehe!

Yep im here in pampanga already and its actually my 5th day of training. I was assigned as a QA for hughes acct -email account. Totally different from what i used to do .. i hope i would enjoy this job and this place as well. Owww i actually did something unusual this week. If you read my blog last October you would remember this guy that used to text me (or the guy that i used to text). UHmp! I actually texted his friend! just that. On second thought he was the one who texted me, wonder how he got my number. Anyways, i hope this time the acquaintance would be better compared with the acquaintance we had before. But believe me im not expecting anythung anymore not even befriending them.

Grbe! I can't wait to go back to Baguio . I miss home. And after this shift i'll be going back there, I'm so glad we have 3 days off.

I'm still thinking about my studies. Should i continue studying here in Pampanga or should i go back to Baguio. Just last tuesday I found out that "UC" topped the bar exam (ahemp **my SchooL**)..we nailed it again .. yep ehemp! we.. iw as so excited that i actually texted my clasmates

ciao!

Pray for moi!

peace out ya'll im done with my inetrview in pampanga they actually offered me 24k plus your allowed for overtime, excluding night diff and sss, philhealth etc.. but im actually planning to just get the rsvp offer if ever... coz its near at home plus i would be able to study. All the schools in pampanga for law are not that high in quality. UC is the best ever. im confused ;( ... i actually texted rye to give me advice and at least give me more enlightenment. Of course i prayed for this but i dont know ... i'm scared of being independent maybe.. writing down the advantages and disadvantages of this still didnt give much help. My mom said i should learn to decide things on my own. They hate the way i decide.. help me out ... ciao!

Hi its been awhile since the last time I updated this blog. Things has been real tough for me this year. Well before I start Let me just tell you guys that I had the perfect date then after that I brushed it off you know me, I'm really not ready yet for a relationship.

I resigned from the callcenter I'm working in ~ i know i kept on saying before that i wish to resign. Finally it happened. Last October I was promoted to a Coach in a different account though and this account was not the kind of account I dreamt of worth keeping. I've been working in that Callcenter for 2 and a half Years and mind you i never felt so down and lonesome everytime I flash my card on that post to work again. So eventually I decided to resign and the effectivity date was February 22. Well before that remember the girl I used to talk about that actually told me that there's possibly no way I would be promoted to a Tier2 supervisor... she resigned as soon as i got promoted to a coach which is by far a higher Ledge to Tier2 supervisor. Well, i thought that maybe she was really surprised that I got the Tier2 promotion and just after 5 mos I got promoted to a Coach.

I wasn't really happy with the account because unlike in Bellsouth ( the previous act i was working with) I learn everyday. Everyday I learn ways on how to troubleshoot computers, plus i get updated with new technologies we have and of course ahemp unlimited internet access (beat that!).

The reason I gave to my Direct Supervisor when I resigned was because I'm studying Law and that i need more time to study and catch up with the articles and cases being discussed by our prof. while i imagine myself sleeping instead of listening. Believe me I hardly sleep those days. 3 or 4 hrs of rest is definitely okay with me. But of course we all know that sacrificing something would always detriment something and that was the means i need to pay for my card and my drinks at alacarte kidding!.. but honestly yep! goodbye (hot choco)..say hello to cash advance.
it's our exam week today and yeah i know i should not be here updating this piece but i thought that maybe doing this would help me move on again. Like what i used to do before i was an agent. Oh and by the way on the 22nd i have a final interview for a QA position though in Pampange .. finally i can smell independence. Wish me Luck!.. But of course in the meantime i need to knock my head off reviewing for the exams. I'm telling you darn! it's so difficult, imagine you know the answer to the questions however as you go on answering it a lot of things would come or would arise from your answer that you should definitely defend . Because if NOT!, you can't get any points, Not unlike in College that as long as you know the answer then your on the right the track, you at least get a point. But I'M NOT GIVING UP. I'm definitely NOT!!..

Owwkay now let me tell you about the date story. I had this textmate since November and his name is June he's an army a pmaeyer graduate and he's currently with the sulu army for President's project.To kill terrorrists and finish them all hehe!. Last week he went up here in Baguio to finally meet me and we met. Hes okay and I have to tell you this hes so far the only man that made sense. He never smokes or drink..and an early age he realized that he has to do something about his life so that he wont stay poor forever. That is why he entered PMA school.We had a date at KFC hehe corny but for me this date aside from being my first date is the best date i had. I actually did something to myself to get prepared fpr this date, facial, clothing, body scrub (not for what your thinking) etc. and for me i did this because i wanna feel comfortable and confident. He left this week for the operation and left me his picture, i gave him my ID pic as well which was done on a accident good thing i claimed my ID that day. BUt i don't like him...maybe because he's not the person that would actually reach my standards but because i wanted to concentrate on my studies and work. I feel that i'm useless in the family. That is why to be able to get out of the pressure i'm getting at home i would like to work independently and live independently and Leave Baguio.

Too bad June was not able to catch up with Flower Festival which i should say i enjoyed. Imagine after resigning from work we went swimming the whole day with my siblings and relatives then after a few more days i went swimming with my friends at PalmGrove whew! totally the best resort here in Baguio. And yep you should see me now from clear complexion to tan .. or almost black eeww!.. i'll be working on my complesion and get it back soon when i have the means. It's just that here in Baguio no one could offer me the salary i want, the salary i used to get with that Crap Center. In a way I would like to thank them for molding me and making the person I am now, Confident, feeling smart and uhmp jive to fashion gaL.
June is texting me right now so to speak. He keeps on asking me about my plans for the day. What am i doing or how am i doing. I just ask him the same questions over and over everyday.

Geez i need to go now and review it was nice updating this again. Made me feel more updated. Talking about about my past experiences just makes me stronger..
tata!