"I'm an excellent judge in character"

To be honest I'm really not happy with my assessment scores. 1st assessment 96/100 and 2nd 96/100. I want to to ACE it! coz', I know I can!. There's this person in class that I'm competing with silently.. all because it's fun. Apparently, she's ahead of me, and 2 points I guess is something that would be hard to beat especially since I would need to juggle my time next week with my career and school (esp Joanne).

Last weekend was fun. I was able to spend my time with Joanne and with my family. Not mention the fact that I was able to go to my grandma's house and ask her to celebrate her birthday in our house. My grandma (lally) is really hard to handle. Hard to convince and difficult. But, I love her so much and she's my inspiration .

Yey we have a new dog Kayla.. a baby! I finally have a Yorkshire Terrier. If you check on my old posts you will see that it has been my dream to have a Yorkshire Terrier. Thank you Joanne. It's her dog though, I guess,  the dog lives with her :(. We should have joint custody. We will work on that. My mom's not used to having dogs, because of a lot of reasons, one of which is that I'm allergic to it. But, I think I outgrew that.

I will post a lot of pictures soon .. take care

For those of you who's wondering why my title's all about character. Well its because... I really am. I just let it past most of the time. Because I love giving chances .. the first time.

Procrastinating or just really excited

Today at 8:00pm I'll be a trainee.I'll be with the trainees I used to train. I have to do good.

It's true that I finally decided to give her another chance, but I can't just accept things like that.
Because I can't, she has to jog twice a week starting this week for at least an hour. To make up for what she did wrong. Besides, she needs it already.

WiLL Remain

I decided to stay.. love will keep us alive.

At my wits end..

January 6, this was the exact day I found out that someone close to me lied to me . August 16 of 2009, I quit smoking I didn't really smoke that much before but just decided to quit it!. It was a gift for myself and for Joanne, since those days for her was really challenging and I really wanted to cheer her up. I hope I did, anyway September of 2009 we moved to Pampanga and worked there because we just wanted to work together try our luck together, just me and her. Things worked out really great for me it was challenging but rewarding, I'm happy to say that I really learned a lot from that experience. 

May of 2010 we went back to Baguio, Joanne at that time stopped working in February of the same year. I didn't have a job for almost 4 months but, was lucky to work at Convergys in August of the same year. I was living in their house at that time, sometimes my house most of the time her House, but on the last week of November 2010, something happened - I moved out December of the same year. No one talked me into moving out, it was my decision after Joanne's mom opened up and talked to me about how she feels about me staying in their house. I know living in someone else's house is really wrong. We have a house, my mom and dad brought me up to be family oriented. My parents especially my mom always think about what people might say just because of a slight decision or act. My parents are famous and though they always tell me to stay at home I don't listen to them. I treated Joanne's house, everything! like mine, when in fact it's not. I can't believe I can be that person, territorial, and all because I'm in love when it's not even something that Joanne owns nor do I own any of it to begin with. It was all because of love. Now I can understand why married couples can't really stand staying with in-laws. No privacy, the room's the only actual air-space where you can freely breathe, no matter how hard you try to impress the in-law it's just not enough ,you still suck!, seldom will you hear thank you's and if each home can be categorized in terms of government, I'd say it's communist. It's also hard to focus on what to do because if you ignore things in all shapes and forms its rude. It's just something that I can't get myself into ever again. Reason why I decided to pursue Real Estate , so I can find properties for us, soon, in the meantime I need a job where I can showcase my sidelines which may pertain to properties I will sell in the future. 

December of 2011, Joanne decided to quit smoking, I remember after this, she was rushed to the hospital. I panicked and cried because she was brought by an ambulance. She had difficulty breathing and was aching, wasn't able to talk, but was lucky to be  able to honk the car. Joanne's mom was shouting at me in the hospital and blaming me in front of my sister and my co-worker, she talked to me after and said sorry but I admit when I was in the hospital I literally ignored her and walked out of Joanne's bed. Since then Joanne quit smoking, she talks about how she feels about people smoking, that we are lucky we kicked the habit, that she's happy this can impact the expenses and that we can save, my favorite was "Parang nakukulangan ng oras pag nag yoyosi, nagmamadali". I don't drink alcohol as well if I do it's really like once in two years, or once a year. I don' t have anything against those who drink but this is  something that I'm happy and proud of. 

January 6 2013, I found out that Joanne was smoking and that she was just hiding it from me. She lied several times before this , I remember each time  I ask her, she would say she quit already.  After I  got her into telling the truth. she said that she was depressed. It was because,I wasn't living in their house anymore, she felt alone etc. 
I was like huh?  but I still sleep in their house like twice a week etc, Apparently, that is just not enough for her. 

So I decided to forgive her, I mean everyone needs a 2nd chance. She promised not to smoke again and same thing she talked about how happy she is that I gave her a chance to change, that she is happy that she finally kicked the habit. I ask her every week just to check on her progress about whether she feels urges, and ask her about the last time she smoked and she always answers "it was the time we fought" (January 6).

I've been having bad dreams lately about me going crazy, which is weird. I don't know why but I always dream of her. I'm not into signs. But I decided to talk to her and she opened up said that lately she felt like she doesn't have a GF, I know it's about me staying there again, not being able to live together, we spend time together but its really not enough for her, but I do believe that we really have to spend more time together. 

So yesterday, we compromised about spending more time together, we were both happy for this weekend, bought a dog and was excited for our monthsary celebration. We wrapped up the day by watching "The Dog Whisperer" so we know how to communicate with our new baby. :) we were just so happy.

I woke up, woke her up ate and she asked me to go up and get ready for work. and so I did. I heard the gas tick"spark", which her mom always use to light up her cigar. But, for some reason,  yesterday, I feel I have to down and check on her, I did and boom I saw her smoking with her mom, she saw me and smiled, It felt like it was a smile of betrayal. I went back up, went in the room, and fixed my things. She walked in and said " mom asked me to light her cigarette". I was a smoker and I know what a smooth puff is. It looked exactly like that. I asked her again, she said ... she still smokes. Smoking for me is okay, but what I didn't want was the lie. I was mad not because she lied, nor smoked, but I was more mad and upset that I don't know if I can still trust her ever!.

Today's our monthsary and I remember the first time she did this, I skipped work but now I didn't, I think I'm getting stronger. She, dropped by my house with the dog said sorry, brought food came back and we went out. To my surprise she decided to redeem the ring we pawned almost 2 years ago, this is a ring that she gave on our first anniversary. Yeah she redeemed it. But can she still redeem us??. Can I still trust her? Today I can say that I'm just still confused. She's the one who has been with a lot relationships already, how could she make me feel this way. When I'm not good at this! I still don't know what to do..... i feel like taking that appraisal seminar, just so I can have my mind preoccupied. Appraisal, Law school, work and my mom. That will really keep me busy. My mom alone can keep me busy. What should I do. I think I'm just going to be alone forever. If I give her a chance. Is it worth it, will I get hurt more, will I learn from this, will it change her, will I get more stronger.  Will it fix this hurt that I'm feeling?

Today her defense was that smoking is an addiction, she was scared to tell me because she knows how I would feel about it. It's because of me that she can't tell me about it. But   , after this she said sorry and then said that it's not my fault but her fault. I don't know! I can't even sleep anymore. and she can sleep well ... Awesome!

Shades of Grey and White

So now there ball is in  my court. I passed the Real Estate exam. Yay!. I feel even better than when I passed the Civil Service Exam.Well they said count your blessings and when that girl in the Feng Shui shop said 2013  might not be nice for me, I know I cringed but prayers really helped a lot. My mom's overconfident that this year's her lucky year, she always tells me to tag along with her because she can give me the luck I need. Well, I'm not sure if I got the success from my mom, but I'm happy to say that my success is for my mom and my family (of course that includes Joanne). Long story short,  because of what she said, I always update her of everything, my plans and what I'm eyeing for in the office. Until now she rumbles about me not having a BF or whines about my plans about having a family. Damnit! she knows I'm with a girl but still can't accept it I guess. Just last month she asked me to watch a video of  a 23 year old Colombian girl who died for 23 hours. What's with the number 23?.. Anyways she saw heaven and earth and she narrated everything she saw and how terrible, scary and creepy it is down there. She talked about what God wanted us all here to know, that we have to repent and change because time might not be enough for us. I have to say that what really caught my attention, was when she saw her mom and brother on their way to hell, yet they still are alive. God said that she has to talk to her family about what she witnessed and what she saw as well to save them, that although we are still alive our soul might be trudging his way to hell. It's scary! , I kinda believe it, I'm not saying that part of me says that it's not true, but maybe in denial. The question here is, did I change at all after watching the video. The answer is yes, a little and it's a work in progress.

So let me go back to the topic. After having passed the Broker's exam. I've been working with the team in terms of bonding, but I think I'm the type of person who can't really get a long with those kind of people. I mean some of them are okay but the others like the guys are really not getting along well. As a Product Ready Trainer I had to take calls, train and then take calls again. It was a gruesome role hehe a  grueling role, but for me was very rewarding. I was able to connect more to the agents because at least I know the trends and the types of calls hey are getting. As a PRT, I was also thought to stick to the Facilitator's Guide each time I teach. But since I also am taking calls, things that I find not helpful on the Faci Guide, I research on. This is what can really wow most of the agents. Still, I have to say, you can't please everyone. There always will be agents who would doubt the substance of what you are teaching. This are what I call the dumb ones.. kidding.  So going back, as a PRT I had to take care of my PRT metrics and my agent metrics. This is really hard to balance, for some reason the metric that I am really having a hard time on, for the month of March, was waived. hehe lucky!

A few weeks after a position for Trainer opened in another account, Ebay. I know that another position will open in the account I'm with, but I must say the competition is tough!. For some reason I noticed some PRTs are more favored, and since I don't hang out with the team that much!, hehe good luck!. I applied and was again was lucky to be interviewed, because a lot really applied for the position. The interview was difficult, I wasn't ready for the questions and even though I have a list of the questions that might be asked, still it wasn't helpful. Not helpful at all. After the interview I knew that  my start of something new has to be cancelled for now. Nevertheless, I still wanted to know who made it. I currently am getting just 14k something every month, which is not enough, I must say, because I still can't save. The increase if I get promoted would be more than 100% and I GOT IT!

So after the news I was so happy and excited but then I realized that Joanne will be left with the old account. The reason why we work together in the same company is because we want to be together, her metrics are not that good but I am sure she can do better than that. Ebay was looking for 32 agents and want the agents to be internally hired, I asked Joanne ton apply and she did. Bam! another blessing. She made it. I'm not sure  what line of business she will be with either UK or NA (north america). I'm hoping for NA, but still I'm so happy!. :).. I hope she is :)

My mom has therapy sessions twice in a week and last week, thursday she was so lazy to go to the hospital. Her therapy is always at 7:30 am. I get off work at 8am but leave at 9am usually.  Well even though I'm late, I always make sure that I show up in the hospital to check on her. So last thursday I went to the hospital without knowing that mom won't be there, apparently the text came in late. So I decided to go top school which is just a few minutes from SLU hospital.. and here goes the start of another blessing.

I have been taking up law since 2008 and up to know I'm still taking up law. But I stopped for 2 years and that is the reason why I'm still taking up law. Anyway, I decided to visit the Dean's office to ask about the enrollment. Actually, I really wanted to know the subjects that I will be taking next sem. Since I transferred school my curriculum change and I had to take 18 units again when I'm done with those subjects, which is unfair. So I walked in with a smile, coz it really helps said Arra, and talked to the OIC of the Dean which happens to be my batchmate in highschool. She asked me to come back on May 23 for the enrollment but for some reason decided to work on my evaluation. I was really praying to myself that she credit the courses at least most of them, she did a quick call and then said " okay 2006 curriculum". Inside I feel like I'm Dana (my niece) leaping for joy over a bunch of gadgets and candies, I feel like I'm in a garden full of daises and that I'm galloping without worrying about whether or not there is a cliff. I feel like it's my first time to meet Joanne and that I can't last a day without her, which I still feel up to now. I feel like I what I used to feel after cleaning the entire house on my own. I feel like my mom just listened to me and said sorry for being hardheaded. I don't it was just wow. But I still had to repeat the pralaw subjects, for me its okay. :)

Ate Devrah left already for UAE, another blessing  she's pregant :) I will have another niece or nephew. WOW! Funny she wanted her baby to be gay? ahehe. It's election day today and I'm excited to vote.

Thank you Lord for everything till next blog.

Aice is back to school and is now with Ebay!

Appraisal exam ?? I'll make sure I take it this year. But first I need to work on my licence.