How it feels to be Dyslexic

I read a lot today about Dyslexia and its causes and I learned alot. How I wish I read about this a long time ago... I would have been able to at least fight it. I wonder why until now my Mom doesn't know she has it and probably passed it on to Me and to Arra. Well at least Arra did a good job to fight it. I know how hard it is to pass the Board exam in Nursing especially if she's studying at UB. (that's the reason why they say SLU is the best)..... I got introduced to these kind of disorder back when I was in College. I knew I had dyslexia back then the reason why I make sure I focus on something. Well nowonder I've never been in a relationship before because I know I won't be able to finish college.... I needed to focus. Yeah I know I had a boyfriend back then... during that relationship I flunked Zoology (a tough subject) and decided to shift to a different course. Right after the break-up I stopped for One Semester, but it was okay though because I was able to catch up and I actually was able to graduate with my batchmates, however looking back I still feel bad that If I didn't stop for One semester,I would have finished college ~ first ahead of my batchmate friends.. ( anyways I don't find fun in that) ~~~~ and "Should have , Would have , Could have are the last words of a fool". Well Anyways...The following are the random things I got confused at before I found out that I had this Disorder.  To bad my parents didn't know about this back then

• I remember when I was a kid my dad was really having a hard time teaching me the difference between a rectangle and a triangle. I was having troubles identifying them, I get confused between the two.
• I always get confused (when I was a kid) between right or left, now I get confused between right or left if i say it in "tagalog".. geez until now I don't know how to Correctly say the days in order using the  "Filipino Language" unless I sing .. "Isang Linggong Pag-Ibig".... Funny ... but true.
• I remember no matter how hard I wanted to Ace our exam back when I was in elementary I always end up the Third ands so on, di man ako naka First. Sometimes I wonder why I still can't perfect an exam.. kahit sabay na kami mag review ng classmate kong magaling at mas ginalingan ko pa .. eh mas grabe pa siyang maglaro. Kainis
  
• Honestly until now I'm having troubles spelling words, I know I was having a hard time in spelling even before, the reason why I make sure I memorize the letters. Most of the time I picture the letters in my head and add colors to it just so I would remember the spelling.
• Like I said I'm not smart but still I went to Law School because, I feel like although I'm not smart I know I could  still achieve what I want ( to be Lawyer). The thing is after reading several articles, testimonials and comments about dyslexia. It was like I was looking at my own reflection. I'm like them too.
• I remember one time in Law School we had to review for an exam about memorization imagine I had to memorize 150 articles, what I hate about this is I always forget to memorize the number of the article because I get confused. But what I did was I concentrated for several days to get ready for the exam. The thing is I got an 86 at the exam and found out that only 7 in our class passed including me. Whew! I can still remember what I did that time... I know I  memorized and read the articles several times at first it was really hard, It would sometimes take me like 15 minutes per article.  I even  had to really concentrate and read during my breaks (anyways lagi akong ganito nuon..until hindi na hai ..hehe). But what I really did there was to associate each article with pictures coz i find it easier like for example; and article speaks about marriage - with this I had to  imagine a Church Wedding, let's say the next would speak about annulment - with this againI had to imagine a Husband leaving the House. So first article would be about a church and then a House. Sometimes I even use places, like during our Property subject I had to Associate it with City Hall , Crim 3 would be about our living room what I do is I use the things I could imagine there like Mom's figurines in line with Treason, *!@#$ I know you guys find it weird while reviewing. But teehee that's me. :)
  
• A dyslexic person is a visual person, thinks in pictures, If sometimes  you are having a  hard time  to understand letters, numbers, symbols, and written words. You are one of us... Nowonder I was really having troubles with Mr Freeman's training... Gosh I wanna be a trader to or a stockholder. First I have to finish Law School or kahit ano nang mauna (ayan na naman ako). I envy those smart people who don't go to school they just don't know how hard it is for us to really work on a unique learning style...  grrrr. lol... and how hard it is to  really Concentrate.
  
•  I remember back when I was in HighSchool Jinky Fianza ( attorney na Siya) really helped me with our Math Class I really wanted to ace our Math quiz back then so I asked for her help. She was like my best friend back then...she was so patient with me that she came up with a style to help me master the process.  We both got a high score sa quiz dalawa lang kami sa class nun... grabe di ko makalimutan yun. According to the articles I read people like me really have a hard time analyzing equations... (anything that deals with numbers)... kaya Mr Freeman I wanted you to be patient with me back then. kapal ko no....nagdemand!!  :}
  
• At work back when I was still in Training at Clientlogic Sitel. I was really good with memorization pero when it came to the part where we had to do actual troubleshooting,I always find myself stuck. I was only able to understand everything after our trainer showed us picture demos or pictures, soon then I realized that I would have just asked our trainer to show us pictures of modems and processes etc, before I memorized, in that way hindi na sana ako nag memorize. After she demonstrated how to connect everything and after we all had the chance to work on it "hands-on" , I was then able to understand everything. I just had to work on my confidence back then ... mahiyain kasi ako eh... Shy sobra... but it was okay I passed the training we were like 35 sa class (and back then it was really hard to enter at clienlogic) only 7 agents passed the training. Medyo nainis na nga ako nun nakita ko yun na kung sino sino na nakakapasok sa Sitel nuon eh.. naging easy yung pagpasa sa mga trainees kasi naman unfair. Ugali ko pa namin nuon mayabang (pero di ko na ugali yun bad yun eh ,,, hawa ako sa mga kawork ko nun) as in gulat ako nun andun si Paulie at yung ibang Out of School youth kong kakilala , kasi sobra kaya ginawa rin sa amin ng Trainers namin na si Ni midori at nung Amerikano ... (I forgot his name) kahit nga yung Law Graduate na classmate ko nun training at yung techy kong katrainee di pumasa Umiyak pa sila sa class naawa pa ko nun. Tapos biglang madali na lang sa kanila as in Super unfair sa amin nun yun... kaya pag bago nuon lalo na pag ung mga wave 10 and so on hayyy inis na mga kawork ko. Wave 4 ako and I'm proud. God blessed me talaga nun training kahit Dyslexic ako... hayyy miss ko na rin mga kawork ko nuon san na kaya mga yun. Anyways.. bad ung attitude na yun dapat pag nabigyan ng chance ang mga tao we should all be grateful. Okay na yun ... Back to the Topic.
• Mr Freeman, I know you felt bad when you  found out that I'm having troubles with numbers. left and right Ups and Downs. Yep Its true that candlesticks are pictures but I had to deal with their movements and with numbers. To be good with stock trading you have to be very particular with the numbers and points and especially the movements of the bar. Mr freeman actually thought I would be the one who would make it to Trading, after the Third day I know he was busy wondering why I'm having troubles with his practice charts while I was so busy thinking why I always get confused although I know how to work with them...based on plain theories from his Modules. Everytime he asks questions such as the definitions etc I always raise my hand but when It comes to identifying the price the points the trigger bars, the breakouts the moving average etc..... I get confused. BTW... I quit last monday. Joanne didn't say anything. I know she feels bad about it. I just can't deal with Mr Freeman anymore he always picks on me and calls me a loser if only he knew I havent showered for 3 straight days just to stay up all night always to work on the charts. I know Jean doesn't shower too. At least I could still say that of all the 436 applicants I was chosen... and ended up at #2 ... good luck sa yo Jean. But I learned a lot from Mr Freeman though and I'll make sure I'll use it as an armour  in all my undertakings... Still I wanna be a Trader!!!!
• I remember back then everytime I fill up Forms and bank forms I get pissed off because I know I had to ask questions to whoever's around, I was able to work on that though. Everytime I fill up something I think of it as an easy test. I was able to overcome this due to Law School ... In class and while reviewing I had write all the time, I had to make sure I read all the questions carefully. I remember Atty Vergara one of my favorite prof. said that he is a 'dyslexic'... I know during that time Mayo and some of my classmates know I am .. Because I use that as an expression all the time especially when I'm having a hard time catching up with the cases.  I remember Atty Vergara said that most the Dyslexics are sucessfull and that all he had to do was to concentrate and memorize. Albert Einstein is actually dyslexic, but what he did was he did his best to fight his weakness. I guess he used this kind of disorder to imagine his inventions. Dyslexic people are known to have a vivid imagination. I don't know If I have one... I think I have a Third Eye hmmm Oh yeah.. I like imagining weird things my Kuya Eric always makes fun of my ideas. Like the time I told him about putting a long light stick at the back of ants or bettles, I was asking asking him how to make the tip glow in the dark so that people could use it as a lamp. I thought It was cute at first just imagine lit' lights moving in an aquarium at night :) (haha how weird is that) ... I still have a lot of Ideas in my head .. Joanne just  makes fun of it sometimes hmpf!..
• I remember when I was a kid everytime my Auntie Beth would ask me to go to the store I always had to  go back home to ask her again what to buy. I think I get easily distracted ... haha in those days you had to take a long walk just so you would reach the store. I can't believe I had to go back just because I forget one item. Eventually my aunt was able to come up with a solution. (her own solution) and that was to write the  items down. :)

You know what this list would go on forever and I might forget what my real point here is .... Here's what i found out ... That being Dyslexic is a gift ... According to Ron Davis, author of The Gift of Dyslexia, dyslexia is a gift, and their genius didn’t occur in spite of their dyslexia, but because of it. According to studies most of Dyslexic's are suicidals. I don't believe in this I think these people who commit suicide think that they are snafus  because they think that clearly there is a problem with them. I learned from Mr Freeman that there are no accidents, no opportunities just choices.... If you know your weak at a certain thing. Accept it never worry about what's going to happen to you in the future or never feel bad about the past. Just be here make the best of what you can do. You have a lot of choices to pick for yourself and the Lord laid it all down for us.. choose one believe you have you have it and you will.

Btw here's a link you could click on to visit for those people who are grateful like me  --- tehee  http://dyslexia.learninginfo.org/gift.htm

kk till next Blog!

Joanne's not home yet.. My Random thoughts

 I want her to have fun... but she never texted she knows my tummy aches kahit man lang how are you na?... none... ang sakit na nang tummy ko pnag buhat pa rin ako.. she said she'll be home early... hayyy anyways I want her to have fun... Hey just to let you know... I'm won't be attending the training tomorrow. Mejo worried ako ngayon kay Joanne kasi ung sister ni Jasper pero di man siguro ... ayoko mag isip ng ganito... If she doesn't like me in her life anymore I want her to show it na sana ... I don't what's wrong with me but I feel that I kinda changed na ata .. I was just chatting with C J kanina my classmate in Law school... we actually don't talk pero sa super scared ko ngayon kailangan ko ng kausap so chinat ko muna sha ... and asked him about stocks accountant kasi siya sabi niya after law school he will take a CFA course daw... ganda daw kasi ng stocks talaga .. I may not know which path I would go but I'm still clinging to my dreams I wrote that a long time ago. I'll be fine... at least meron pa yun.. ang hirap pala pag alone ka sana di magbrownout ever... parang pampnga lang mag isa ko pero dun at least my mom calls me up.. dito wala... Medyo nainis si Joanne kasi daw di ko na sha naalagaan habang nag tratraining ako... Akala ko she would understand me kasi I really wanted to focus on the training.  I always take care of her naman lalo na nung down sha ... actually lagi nga eh.  Sana she sees that naman ... I'm sure she does selos lang siguro tlga siya MAYBE  she just misses me rin.
Kinausap ko michelle at Kuya eric namiss ko sila super. If things wont work okay for me for the next few months.. this blog might end again  ...... For Good... antagal ni Joanne.. okay lang sana pag umaga ako na lang lagi nag hihintay pag gabi..sabagay gabi ung business niya di bale pag enjoyin ko muna sha.. di na ko nakakagimik pero di man kasi ako happy sa pah iinom eh ... pag kasama ko lang barkada ko.. dami ko nasi napupulot sa kanila lalo na kay Melai... miss ko na donna..miss ko na beca.. miss ko na cris.. btw she's pregnant .. si mommy di na nag rereply si arra di na rin... panu kaya Christmas ko??? abangan na lang ninyo... I worry to much about things anyways what's impt is. I'm here gosh its cold mejo okay na tiyan ko... kahit di mo tinatanong... I can't sleep though... I'm scared... hmpf kayako ito,,,, sabi ni Dr F.. at the end of the day pag nag fail ka isang bagay.. di mo naman tlga masasabing dahil kay ganito... dahil kasi si.... or kasi naman eh... The truth is it's because your scared... sa sarili mo....  I need to be ready na this time... I'm applying at IHG and will study languages ... etc tapos enter ako kila michelle... pag ayaw may dahilan pag gusto may paraan....  pero ung kay Dr. F .... ayaw ko na po... wala akong dahilan... It's just that I'm not HAPPY... pero i learnd naman ... I was just chatting with him earlier naiyak nga ko eh .... kasi di ko nakyanan na... Si Joanne nagalit lang siya sa akin tinanong niya kung ano sinabi ko... di man ako kinomfort huhu... hayy kung ano ano kasi hinihingi ko.. tama na to sobrang haba na.. pero totoo naman sa isang week na yun ... nag side na siya kay Freeman totoo ngang parang dad niya yun pero sa tingin ko hindi rin kasi he looks down at people... ibang klase she doesnt see that everyday ako lang makakapas sabi. I don't even take care of myself anymore pero I always make sure na before I leave kahit papano I made her smile bago ko umalis... make her coffee at least...wala pa rin sha :( hayyy... ang ginaw ever. Musta n kaya si dana sana okay lang sha miss ko na rin yun batang yun.. sabi ko pala kay Mr Freeman kanina di na ko papsok inignore ba naman niya ako.. at parang nawala tapos sabi niyang ganun I'm back on... eh di naman siya nag invisible... ayaw niya nga talaga kong mag quit pero super sobra man kasi siya kala ko na nga nun siya si paolo coehlo eh.. iba man pala ugali niya parang di pa naniniwala kay God .. wag daw akong paapekto ignore ko lang daw sabi ni Joanne kaya lang kasi panu ko ignore kung sobra na siyang magdown sa kin para akong capital "Failure sa Noo" .. ayoko na prinapraise ngayon..ako lang makakpag ayos ng self ko... ako lang.. wala pa ko sa school sabi ni CJ balik daw ako at yun nangungulit kung bakit daw ala ko xmas party namin,,, aba eh malay ko ba.. sa 26 xmas party reunion ng batch namin... parang ayoko pumunta .. tagal ni Joanne kainis

To Dr. F "The Universe Will Provide"

I've  always thought of myself as 'Not A Quitter".
What  i'm encountering right now is so far the biggest challlenge ... dealing with my future.
Dr F our trainer said once that we should not worry about the future nor look into the past what we should focus on is .. "Being here" ~ which then pertains to the present.
We are now Down to 2.. just Jean and I.  Jean is excelling well and I am still dealing with questions whether to continue or to stop. Dr F, for the past few days have been treating me not quite well, anyways I don't expect him to treat me well. I feel that he's just challenging me, but the way he does it is changing me, It's like he's changing the morals I grew with.
A person just can't Barge in to your life changing everything unless you allow it, or maybe I'm just looking at it the wrong way.

"There are no Accidents"- For the past few day,I could say I learned a lot from him. I may be having troubles understanding Continous breakouts, Congestion Breakouts or Reverse breakouts but I learned that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I was put there as an answer to my question or probably to question something, either way. I think the reason why I'm still clinging to chance he gave me is because I'm still trying to find out.

"Challenges"- Dr F always uses this saying "The Universe will Provide" all you have to do is ask and when you ask, ask for the right ONE. August Rush One of my favorite movies had this last quote that made me connect "All you have to is Listen". I then realized that the reason why I wasn't quite happy with my previous job was because I did not ask for the right one. Once you   have the right one  you should be up to challenges.  Now a big question comes right in to answer another subquestion. "How would I know if it's the right one I've asked for... You should be Happy" to master this strategy. You should only learn how to evaluate, asses and have your own definition of the Right Happiness.


"Pulling you Down" - I think what makes me think of giving up is motivation. I was thought I was a kind of person who can motivate myself. If you look at my past posts you would know how I grew to become a dreamer until I achieved my dream, as of now I could say I achieved almost 68% of my dream. I may not know where to get the other but at least now I know how to ask what I really want.

"Understanding" - For the past few days I was at least able to find the answers to my questions. I was wondering at first why a friend of mine (Joanne' s X) can't live without having just 1 relationship, at first  I thought that's its because she's not contented, but now I know why... she doesn't know what she  really wants. If you know what you want you would not waste your time with what you don't want, I know It's hard to determine such things when it comes to relationship . I mean who am I to talk about this.  "Ask and it shall be given be careful of what you ask. If your not happy with what you wanted then your not asking right"

Trading Stocks

Kamusta.... I miss school. Anyways I withdrawed all my subjects a month ago, and tried to find a work online. But I had no luck at all instead I ended as a spammer. lol. But Guess what, I'm happy that finally I'm busy again with something which is worthwhile at least. I read an add on the newspaper about a company I thought that's looking for Individuals who are strong driven to work and suceed in life. The thing is, I've been posting my resume online, been submitting it to a lot of company's , I was wondering though during that why only few employers reply to my application and so that's how I ended as a spammer who was not paid :(.... So here's my story. 

I emailed the person who posted the add and after a few days received a reply for an interview scheduled. I then found out that the employer Dr F. is actually a Trader in the Market. It was Joanne who introduced to me how this thing works I read Warren Buffet's book  and was also amazed about trading. I have not finished reading it yet though. But I will soon. 

So about the Interview- he really wants me to train and work as a trader, I don't know what he saw all I could remember is that he keeps on saying "there are no accidents' .. well maybe there is really a reason why I accepted the training to be a trader. I want to be positive with this one. It's been a week already and man... the training----if I were to compare it with Law .. is "really" difficult. We study Graphs , label them and next week we will analyze the market  to be able to apply the strategic system of trading and to be able to manage the strategies based on decision making. 

The stats,,, Dr F said and I know now the reason why a lot quit. He actually had 436 resume.. 36 considered

applicants, 20 trainees supposedly but had to be evaluated by him ... to 3... I'm one of the three persons .. I don't believe in luck anymore... there are really no accidents I guess. The thing is of these 3 trainees, he said there is 99.9% that I won't be successfull a successfull trader/ trainee... during our first day he actually introduced me saying that most likely it would be me who will suceed. I guess he found out, my accomplishents may be good but i'm not confident ... so then came the worst part 2nd day of training he noticed that I was having troubles analyzing datas. To tell you frankly , he may sound and act weird but he makes a lot of sense specially when he talks about life. 

I guesss the reason why the previous trainees before our batch didn't make it either because they were having troubles understanding the graphs and charts like me. Or either because of Dr F. 

I believe that everything we do is for ourselves not for other people. Choices are really important. I was actually thinking of giving up yesterday and today. but I guess I have to move on. I barely have sleep these days yesterday I slept for only 2 hours, 

Like I said I wanna be positive about this, Joanne really does a lot of work motivating me.. This is for her as well and of course for me .. I don't want to day words such as; "If ever I wont make it " .... yadiyadiyada... coz like I said I wanna be positive about this.. no more snafus... I really need to change the way I think. The way I act as Joanne said. 

If ever I make It. I would be given the chance to work for only 2 hrs everyday and earn 5M a year.. you probably think its impossible.. but I do Believe.