SHALLOW

To shallow..
To shallow..


But shallowness could still drown you It's just simple If you just walk.. But if you tip over and try not to get back on your feet fast It will eat you..


See my greatest fear is if its dark although its shallow Since you get scared, you get stuck and then you feel like drowning.

I have you.. and you let the light shine on me Sometimes I wish that it would shine more brighter Because I feel like it blinks once in a while

And then I remember I still have myself and I have to get up while i'm savouring each moment that I see your light.

cute ba .. la lang ..... kun makarelate ka di okay.

hehe.. hindi nagrhyme... bad trip na lng talaga .. kainis ang mga tao.. di na nga nag papaapekto kasi kababawan leche madali lang aminin kung true yun eh .. eh di naman.. hayyy nagiging big deal tuloy ...

Oh by the way kahapon pala nag exam kami ng property.. Mag UUb na ko next semester.. masama man sa luob ko pero okay na rin para kasama ko siya.. eh wala naman daw sa school eh ... nasa passion lang talaga.. try ko kaya mag top dun aheheh.. baka mag pamisa mami ko sa lahat ng simbahan pag nangyari yun.. speaking of my mom.. hayy miss ko na sila.. dibale after exam babawi ako sa family ko... sa sarili ko at sa GG ko .. uhmmmp sa friends?? tignan natin check ko kung may time pa .. joke.. eh puro busy na lahat ng kaibigan ko si Donna lang talaga inaalala ko .. she used to be different she never drinks since nag ka anak na siya.. kainis na joel yan sabi na nga ba malas sha eh.. hehe I remember I sent him a message simula nun nalaman ko ginwa niya kay donna ... sabi ko "PANGET" .. kasi totoo naman .. na takot pa si mel kasi YM niya so I told him.. "SI Aice 2" .. and I never talk to him that way.. formal kami mag usap nun eh joke.. di ko siya kinakausap gaano for short una pa lang ayoko na kay Donna yun eh .. kainis kasi naman dun pa eh mas okay na si mike at Gomer sa kanya kahit ayoko kasma si Gomer nun kasi hehe... di ko feel itsura nya.. bad ko nuon.. pero bago na ko ngayon..


Joanne and I are okay naman ayun nahanap na niya blog ko.. and yesterday was the first time I actually read almost everything in my blog.. ganda pala kahit papano I learned na masayahin din pala akong tao kahit papano.. I just hate some of my friends now.. because they don't look at me the way they used to see me.. I never changed .. just because of a rumor that's not true.. they see me different.. after my last break-up na sobrang heartbroken ako I tried my best to live on my own kasi ayoko na .. the truth is ayoko magaya sa mga kamag anak kong.. na babaliw aheheh dahil sa love.. dami ko pa gusto gawin sa buhay ko noh pwede ba.. nag papaligaw pero as much as possible i try my best na patagalin ang panliligaw nila naks para makita ko kung okay nga sila.. eh nawawala naman nag gigive up.. tsk yabang..malamng na T.T.O. ata (malay) hehe.. pero nahuhulog din ako aaminin ko pero i never show it kasi i know i could get over that after a month or 3 months... hehe...

I hate this site coz some of my posts are not here I make sure I enter details about whats going on with my life at least every month yun na yung least.. kainis talga.. I've been trying to find the post I enetered about paulie.. so I could read and remember what kind of feeling I used to have back then .. baka andito lang.. di ko lang mahanap.. magulo lang.. makikita ko rin yun.. kaya lang kasi as much as possible ayoko na basahin blog ko.. gusto ko ipasa na lng pag kailangan ipabasa...

There's this book I once read about Anne Frank I remember she said in her Diary that they will be choosing the best diary to be read by the people after the war. She kinda hoped that it would be her diary and eventually her diary was published. Well as for my diary I want it published din pag na dedsu na ko.. impossible nga lang ..

Melai quit her job and cris finally has her own "secret business" .. Mag tutubig hehe.. I'm so happy for her. But sometimes I miss hanging out with the old her laid back lang tapos .. we talk about stuffs that we should do. She really good when it comes to business, honestly I got surprised and shes doing a good job as well. Except sa part na lagi silang away ng away ni Rob.


I really hate caloi.. I hate her grabe nainis na talaga ako at punong puno na sakanya.. leche siya.. no wonder few na lang friends niya.. tapos babwasan pa niya kaibigan ko kainis tlga .. kainis sobra.

I told Joanne not to read my blog anymore not unless I ask her to.. and i trust her on that.. sana naman di niya mabasa ito.. I know my life may be full of negativity pero she's the only person na nag parelize sa kin na kung panu dapat gawin ko.. kasi naman yung "The Secret" na libro na yan .. kainis wala.. I shoudl have not let her read my blog.. kasi balak ko ibigay yung book na "the Missing piEce" nun mansary namin.. I said to myself I bibigay ko yun sa taong talgang na faLL ako.. eh sa blog ko ibigay ko sana kay Jeff .. pero ayaw ko nga ibigay.. kupal yun.. the thing is Ican't find the book and its hard to find that book sobra.. kulang na lang eh mag beg na ko sa mga friends ko sa manila.. hala andami kong di nagagwa ngaun .. di ko na mamail friends ko .. na gusto ko anjan pa rin at nalalaman na Buhay pa ko.. aheheh Ganito PaLa.. pero hindi rin magagawa ko rin yun.

Grabe I love her.. talaga minsan nga gusto ko mag give up.. pero ewan ko ba somethings telling me not to.. I know I'm a shallow person .. pero sabi ko kay Lord if ever he gives me one I'll try my best not to be one..


Heheh .. madami kong gusto ikwento.. nun birthday ko pala .. exam namin sa sales... bagsak ako dun sa subject na yun kainis... 70 lang ako.. si pearl .. sus 82.. the exam was so easy pero kasi preoccupied ata ako nun eh.. I know .. I should have not done this.. pero I've been telling you before na 2 and 7 lucky number ko diba.. so ayun nun 27 na ko something happened before the exams na ang saya saya ko.. kasi la talga akong care nun parang basta iba.. I told her everything na .. some of it wala sa blog ko kasi before 2005 pa.. pero everything na feeling ko big deal.. pero bakit ganun di man naging big deal sa kanya.. saya.. hayy sabi na nga ba eh babaw ko talagang tao. So anyway. to cut the story short at nobela na ito saka na lang ako kwento sa next blog ko.. uhmpp naging kami nun 15 .. after a long time sa wakas naka kiss na rin ako..wahehe.. hmpf.. sana di mabasa nila cris ito tatawanan ako pero okay lang din kwekwento ko rin lang eh .. anyway ang saya ko nun grabe .. sobra.. kaya siguro di rin ako nakakaconctrate sa sales nun kasi sales subject nirereview ko nun eh. Hala maiinis sa kin ng konti friends ko pag nalaman nila ginagawa ko sa school ko .. gumagaya na ata ko kay joana.. (di man siguro).. joana finally decided to enrol her law subjects na kala nun parents niya na natapos na niya kasi graduate na siya. Loko yun papuntahin pa ko sa graduation niya eh di man siya nag graduate parang niloko ko rin mom niya.. pero okay lang din kasi kutuwa yun ginawa niya.. nag drama na nag tatae daw hehe kaya hindi nag march nun day na un... and at least she's trying her best to move on after Res.. saya puro names na ko sa blog ko.. kasi naman sabi ni Joanne bakit hindi daw names .. eh kasi naman puro technical ung mga kawork ko feeling ko binabasa pa rin nila blog ko eh wala na ko dun sa sitel.. malaman pa nila kadramahan ko sa buhay .. haayy

Tulog si Joanne and she knows I'm doing my blog .. sana ako napapanaginipan niya.. kainis kasi eh lagi daw siya nabbangungot feeling ko tuloy ako nga nasa dream niya.. waahh baka nakikita niya scary face ko wahehe.

Bow!

Sorry.....

Sowee. . . . . . . :(
To my family I'm sorry coz I'm failing in School But I'll do my best to get myself back on the right track I'm sorry coz I don't have a job yet the reason is because I want to finish this semester and catch up in school however I guess I really can't catch up anymore To Joanne I'm sorry coz i'm getting you into trouble and I'm letting you absorb my negativity and stress.. (well i'm not letting you absorb it but I know you get affected because of it). iofor making me more stronger. To my sisters coz I don't go home hehe (always overnight, coz I'm trying to review, but i just can't get my focus) To my classmates for not being that responsible unlike before. To my close friends for not always being there but thank you for at least being there for me. To my other friends (not that close).. I told My GG everything. Sorry because I can't really accept something I really didn't do and I'm gonna fight for this in my own way, If you don't believe me that's fine with me I'm willing to risk our friendship since I tried my best to explain my side, I love myself more than I love the friendship we had even now that she help me realize who I really am. I love her so much and I know you want to push me away from her --- that's okay, just keep on doing it because it makes me more stronger and us stronger. (yeah were working on it). pag napuno na ako... makikita niyo.
To myself for most fo the time forgetting what I should do... I'm sorry coz I know this is not me , but in the process I'm starting to know who I really am at least...
To SFC for not winning the competition, believe me ... I really felt bad at that time - missing the most important talks where I know I could feel more stronger..actually made me feel bad And finally to God , I know I lack prayers, I know should have prayed more..

... defending her from my family I guess wouldn't be that hard my dad and mom are open minded and at least I would know what to tell them since they are the ones who really see the efforts I do for myself eversince, kahit pasaway minsan ...but Defending my love to HER friends that would be really tough coz although they are my friends as well still they don't know who i really am... That's just it!

Im Lost

Today we had our 2nd fight actually I think 1st fight... first was when I didn't teLL her about what paulie and I talked about. The reason behind is because the moment Paulie was telling me about what I've been telling her I realized that It would really be hard probably for joanne to keep a secret. Anyway my Gg told me about what actually happened---- I believe her. It's just that I don't know how to start it.. I mean how would I tell her what paulie told me when paulie said not to tell anyone about it. Paulie is my friend ( I guess... until she finds out about Joanne)...


i don't know what I'm going to do with my subjects now. Sometimes Joanne thinks she's the one to be blamed , i don't think she should be blamed for this... When I started dreaming about being a lawyer.. I tried my best to have more passion for my studies.. she was not yet there at that time.. my only motivator was myself and my family.. more on my mom i should say aheheh... and if i'm not doing my best to study not unlike how how I used to study before I cant blame her for that because in the first place sometimes i think most of the time I spend the rest of my day with her. I should really do somthing about this because sometimes I still can't picture myslef studying in UB.. I'm gonna cry I guess the moment that happens. And 2 weeks from now is exam week... I really have to do something abou this.. Just imagine in our one subject (property) which is 4 units.. no one passed in the class the highest was only 73... its really gonna be tough for me to catch up this finals.. God please help me .. geez i always say this everytime i update my blog.

Okay anough of that crap.. tomorrow I'm thinking of going early to the library but I can't because I have with me the money.. I can't bring it there.. Joanne is really so lucky to be given a big blessing.. Most of the time i don't want to be a part of it.. I don't want to her a bout what people will say incase they find out about our plans .. what shes been doing for me for the past few months... You know what I have never felt this way I hate being treated out sometimes.. kasi I don't know I look at it na parang utang na loob... pero she usually says she's just sharing whatever she has.. sometiems I kinda feel bad everytime she says this.. i know i should not feel bad .. i just feel like my life is miserable.. i've been unemployed for almost 2 months and as far as i know I have never felt this way before.. It's like I dont know what my next step is... my next plan... It's alreay Bar ops and I havent called up mayciel yet.. I hope she's doing well .. Oh How i wish i could talk to her tomorrow I'm sure she needs my support.. mayciel I know you can do it...


Oh yeah about last saturday uhmmmp I LOST :( and you know what i did i actually asked my kuya to cut my hair so i could have bangs needless did i know that he would mess it up.. now i dont know what to do with my hair.. i should have not trusted him.. nanette and arra told me he never cuts it perfect... always a 'wreck" i remeber nanette even cried before... anyway i know that my bangs will grow longer in a few weeks time...


You know what i feel today.. I feel that if ever we will break up... it would just be easy fore her to say it.. she is really experienced in this kind of relationship.. i'm not.. im trying my best and i hope she understands ... it's just that with this fight that we had today I feel like .. it would just be easy for her to leave me... Honestly .. i might be devasted in case that happens.. I love her .. I really do.. cris melai and donna even noticed that.. when i was telling them a short story about how we started going out...

from now on i call this blog .. jade.. oh how i wish that she really feels the same way.. i feel like she usually gets irritated .. because im clumsy.. geez i really have to change.. on second thought .. i did change.. yeah i sued to be organized with my time .. pero i dont know i just like it like this... happy everyday im with her....

ok i need to go to bed now .. i told her that i will be leaving the house early... ciao


bye jade .. till then

***hehe finally :(** "what am i gonna do?

A few months from now I see myself enrolling in a different school, as a metter of fact I cant believe something different happened this year that actually changed my life. I'm not working anymore althoguh I really miss working, for me being a fulltime student doesn't make me productive at all, i feel sick, I feel restless although the good things is my breakouts are not unlike before, :)

And..... get ready for this part.. i'm finally in love .. and "in a relationship" ... hehe imagine after almost 10 years .. finally i get to have chance to finally be with someone but the thing is shes a girl... and i don't care. I remember Ryan telling me before that probably the reason why I cant be as happy as I want is because I havent tried falling in love .. like really falling in love.. and I guess did is it.. I'm sure this is it.. I hope so.. I really hope she feels the same way.. because sometimes I'm still worried about whether or not she is really serious about our relationship.. i think she is serious . God please let her stay with me forever