Im Lost

Today we had our 2nd fight actually I think 1st fight... first was when I didn't teLL her about what paulie and I talked about. The reason behind is because the moment Paulie was telling me about what I've been telling her I realized that It would really be hard probably for joanne to keep a secret. Anyway my Gg told me about what actually happened---- I believe her. It's just that I don't know how to start it.. I mean how would I tell her what paulie told me when paulie said not to tell anyone about it. Paulie is my friend ( I guess... until she finds out about Joanne)...


i don't know what I'm going to do with my subjects now. Sometimes Joanne thinks she's the one to be blamed , i don't think she should be blamed for this... When I started dreaming about being a lawyer.. I tried my best to have more passion for my studies.. she was not yet there at that time.. my only motivator was myself and my family.. more on my mom i should say aheheh... and if i'm not doing my best to study not unlike how how I used to study before I cant blame her for that because in the first place sometimes i think most of the time I spend the rest of my day with her. I should really do somthing about this because sometimes I still can't picture myslef studying in UB.. I'm gonna cry I guess the moment that happens. And 2 weeks from now is exam week... I really have to do something abou this.. Just imagine in our one subject (property) which is 4 units.. no one passed in the class the highest was only 73... its really gonna be tough for me to catch up this finals.. God please help me .. geez i always say this everytime i update my blog.

Okay anough of that crap.. tomorrow I'm thinking of going early to the library but I can't because I have with me the money.. I can't bring it there.. Joanne is really so lucky to be given a big blessing.. Most of the time i don't want to be a part of it.. I don't want to her a bout what people will say incase they find out about our plans .. what shes been doing for me for the past few months... You know what I have never felt this way I hate being treated out sometimes.. kasi I don't know I look at it na parang utang na loob... pero she usually says she's just sharing whatever she has.. sometiems I kinda feel bad everytime she says this.. i know i should not feel bad .. i just feel like my life is miserable.. i've been unemployed for almost 2 months and as far as i know I have never felt this way before.. It's like I dont know what my next step is... my next plan... It's alreay Bar ops and I havent called up mayciel yet.. I hope she's doing well .. Oh How i wish i could talk to her tomorrow I'm sure she needs my support.. mayciel I know you can do it...


Oh yeah about last saturday uhmmmp I LOST :( and you know what i did i actually asked my kuya to cut my hair so i could have bangs needless did i know that he would mess it up.. now i dont know what to do with my hair.. i should have not trusted him.. nanette and arra told me he never cuts it perfect... always a 'wreck" i remeber nanette even cried before... anyway i know that my bangs will grow longer in a few weeks time...


You know what i feel today.. I feel that if ever we will break up... it would just be easy fore her to say it.. she is really experienced in this kind of relationship.. i'm not.. im trying my best and i hope she understands ... it's just that with this fight that we had today I feel like .. it would just be easy for her to leave me... Honestly .. i might be devasted in case that happens.. I love her .. I really do.. cris melai and donna even noticed that.. when i was telling them a short story about how we started going out...

from now on i call this blog .. jade.. oh how i wish that she really feels the same way.. i feel like she usually gets irritated .. because im clumsy.. geez i really have to change.. on second thought .. i did change.. yeah i sued to be organized with my time .. pero i dont know i just like it like this... happy everyday im with her....

ok i need to go to bed now .. i told her that i will be leaving the house early... ciao


bye jade .. till then

***hehe finally :(** "what am i gonna do?

A few months from now I see myself enrolling in a different school, as a metter of fact I cant believe something different happened this year that actually changed my life. I'm not working anymore althoguh I really miss working, for me being a fulltime student doesn't make me productive at all, i feel sick, I feel restless although the good things is my breakouts are not unlike before, :)

And..... get ready for this part.. i'm finally in love .. and "in a relationship" ... hehe imagine after almost 10 years .. finally i get to have chance to finally be with someone but the thing is shes a girl... and i don't care. I remember Ryan telling me before that probably the reason why I cant be as happy as I want is because I havent tried falling in love .. like really falling in love.. and I guess did is it.. I'm sure this is it.. I hope so.. I really hope she feels the same way.. because sometimes I'm still worried about whether or not she is really serious about our relationship.. i think she is serious . God please let her stay with me forever

antagal mo ate cahloi!

geeezz I'm actually waiting for a friend .. i wonder why its taking ate carol so long .. kainis talaga.. anyway something nice happened this year. Finally , natry ko na rin mag hotel ahehe.. our friend joan treated us and we stayed at manila heritage for almost 1 day i just can't imagine how expensive it was .. Just imagine almost 17grand for half day.. tuition ko na yun for 1 sem.. anyway I think gusto talaga niya so okay lang yun.. I miss ate jo.. so much .. maybe this is something anyway i shall not yield basta imso glad noone knows about my Blog .. about school just imgaine we had a 1 hour quiz for 12 items that are so difficult,I'm sure you know na verbatim teacher namin.. i really have to catch up this week ..by the way i dont have a job and i dont know what im gonna do.. but i'll be working on it after next week kailangan ko lang muna pumondo,,, i have to .. imean this is not me... i used to budget my time and everything.. about kuya LLoyd ---wala lang --- hahah friends.. di man kasi ako oo dun eh .. feeling ko lang talaga kulang ako ng prayers.. kulang na kulang.. ang tagal talga niya kainis.. ako lang dapat nangaganito eh .. take care.. to tell you honestly ito na yung pinakpasaway ko na month this year... i have to change ... BIG TIME .. before its too late

How and When

Hi there i know its been awhile anyway today is our first day of school , I dont know if im ready to come in to school but i kinda think i am considering the fact that finally i was able to at least lessen my pile of laundry ( i hate it) . Talking about Laundry it's a good thing my mom got roxie and her other cousinto do our laundry everyday saturday. We pay them 400 i think thats too much but then i realized that its okay since they don't have any source of living their both in college and they need money for their allowance, whew just like me i guess. My job is different though .. okay lets talk talk about my job, according to my co worker who also works on a 5 hr shift the management was actually thinking of not regularizing her. Only 3 of us here work on a 5 hr shift and were all Law students. The rest work on a 9 hr shift or sometiomes 11 hr shift, I don't know but i feel that i can't really work on a 8 hr shift since i need to read a lot , see im not smart to be able to absorb everything that i read. Okay anyway im now thinking of finding a different job. I only paid 3 thou for my tuition fee and the thing is I should have 10k plus, I dont really know if I would still be able to study next sem I can't shoulder the expenses any longer and I cant even find someone who could help me out with this. How???

Last friday I went out with my co workers and we went on a picnic, all we did was o talk about our boss who thinks differently I'm so scared I need to keep this job as much as possible I need to find another job that could help with my expenses. Oh Lord please sana maregular ako. Saturday I went out and went to Joan's place I just watched PBB,Ejay won and yeah i like that kid he looks like my cousin Russel (really taLL, what a hunk). Pinoy dream academy's going to start probably next month and i kinda feel bad coz i've been wanting to be a part of it, i just have no time to audition in Manila believe me this part that i'm talking about is really true, Oh how i wish I could still have the chance to be a singer. i feel like i reaally have no shot to be famous. hehe! if someone publishes my blog well i guess that's the only time i'm gonna get famous.
Anyway last sunday I went out with my family and other families.. okay the CFC family. I also enjoyed it however i think the pool was not that okay compared to the pool that we first went to. Highlight of it was we went to the cave again and I had a sauna. Oh how i love that steam cave.
Yesteday was a holiday and cris together with jo, her cousins, jarrel and Rob went to Itogon same place , I wonder why melai was not there anyway, I'm so happy that they really liked the place. I admit I fell inlove with that HoTSpring and I wanna go there again and again.
Yesterday I went out with Andong together with Ivy and Christian (Full time YFC's 'oh how i envy them"). I liked the MOvie it was so fun and watching it just made me realize something. I'll tell you what I realized towards the end of this blog entry.
You know this Guy that i was talking about before I find him crazy .. andong said he's just depressed but anyway i just wonder why he has to tell me that hes here in Baguio tehfact that hes not. Last night I blocked his number in my phone (glad my phone has that kahit parang pangkalso na siya) i'm sure he was trying to call me up. I dont want to talk to him anymore nor do i want to do anything with him. Just a waste of time. Anyway he sent me a text message apologizing , but i never teted back I did have load hehe but i never texted him back I just don't want to talk to him anymore. Geez im fed up of these guys , my mom said that i'm gonna stay and old maid, but i dont care. I guess im gonna die young , and i cant see myself turn 70 or 80 or even 60 without anyone to take care of me.
i hate my sisters specially arra I mean she can't always brag that teh reason why her temper is so short is because she's stressed out. Oh how i miss dana these past few weeks the environment at home became stiff. I miss her soooo much ...
School again.. OMG. Jaja my previous blockmate said that Sec A is a block of smart students My mom said that would really be tough, talking about a break even thing. What does she care she does not support me anyway she shoudl have motivated me or told me something that would make feel like I have to move on. Anyway i forgive her she said she's sick and yesterday she really had a fever , I wonder what arras doing about it. I had to buy 6 biogesics yesterday just to find out that they already bought bogesics for her. C'mon guys im trying to squeeze my money. Hmmm i guess i just have to budget it again. hehe I forgot to pay my dad today, I'll pay him tomorrow.
Okay this is a long blog I could tell anyway I really miss dana my angel. My lovely pretty niece when i was watching Kung-fu panda yesterday i remembered her. Dana talks in her sleep even before she turned 1 year old. Sometimes she says happy, or sometimes you could hear your name being called up, I kept on asking he since then the secret of life thinking that she would answer back but she never answers it. When the panda the got teh scroll he was so excited to know about teh secret kungfu however he saw nothing in the scroll just his reflection. Eventually he realized that there is no secret everything is about you, everything is about believing in yourself and trying to make it special. Then I realized that the reason why Dana was not talking was because the Secret of Life is Nothing!! It's just you....
Peace Ya'll wish me luck again. Oh when!

CUTE.. :)